What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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