i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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