If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
