I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize