Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
