So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
