If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
