Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think your dad took our porno
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
