I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
