I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
