literally had 100 drinks last night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
