real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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