I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
