just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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