Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
