im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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