I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
