just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
