Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
