I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
