Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize