this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
