She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
