did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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