My hand turned me down
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
