Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
