I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
