just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
