He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
