you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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