Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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