I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I AM VODKA MAN
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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