He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
