Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
