yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
