the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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