youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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