She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
