i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize