He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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