We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
