Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
