there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
