Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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