she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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