gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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