Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
