You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
