I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
