I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
