you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
