you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
