Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
