i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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