tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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