i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
