Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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