worst night to have a conscience
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
