I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
