Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize