Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
