well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
