This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it's like iHOP with fire
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
