sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
