Christians are straight up FREAKS
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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