You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize