just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We need a shit load of segways right now
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
