I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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