best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
