Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
