It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize