I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
