You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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