We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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