did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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