Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
