and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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