Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
