the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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