Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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