puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
