Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
