Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
