TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
