Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
