Me too!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
