I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Success! We fucked roommates!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
