i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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