Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
