I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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