I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
