Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
