I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
