One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
