when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
