You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize