Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We are two peas in an std pod
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
