We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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