Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
