i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
