So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
