I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
