Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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