btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just invented taco cereal.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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