Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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