I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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