The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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