So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
