Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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