this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
