his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
